


The Angst Files

by Cat_Moon



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Children of Earth Compliant, Future Fic, Gen, Introspection, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2020-11-26 09:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20928029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Cat_Moon
Summary: A collection of mostly darker, angsty drabbles and ficlets that don't fit in my main, 'everybody lives happily ever after' universe of drabbles. To be added as I write them.#7 posted on 9/27/20: "Regrets and Forgiveness"





	1. Disposable Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A love letter to Ianto, Tosh, and Owen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt Metallica Songs, using “Disposable Heroes," at [](https://ficlet-zone.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](https://ficlet-zone.dreamwidth.org/)**ficlet_zone**  
Characters: team (mentioned)  
Rating: PG  
Word Count: 345  
Notes: 1. Not exactly a drabble since it doesn't adhere to the word count rules. 2. I don't know where this weird little angsty piece came from, but it wanted to come out so here it is. 3. This song title screamed Torchwood to me so perfectly that I had to use it for the title of the story too.

**DISPOSABLE HEROES**

Toshiko Sato was quietly grateful when she came to Torchwood Three. After the horrors of a UNIT prison, she jumped at shadows. She would sit in the chair in front of her computer, trying to be as small as possible and fearful of speaking up. She was a brilliant computer tech.

Owen Harper acted out, like a resentful child. He constantly pushed the boundaries, wanting to see how much he could get away with and desperately needing discipline. His inner demons, born from impossible grief, spurred him into self-defeating behavior. Underneath, he was a too-caring physician.

Ianto Jones ghosted through the hub as if invisible. No one noticed him, and that's how he'd wanted it. Desperate to save the only good thing he'd ever had in his life, he couldn't afford attention, preferring to blend into the woodwork. He was a martyr for love.

All self-destructive, in their own ways. Toshiko wanted to express her genius, but she sold herself short and hid from the world in the bowels of the earth. Owen acted out but searched for someone to stop him from destroying himself. Ianto secretly hoped someone would find him in his hiding place and save him from the death he felt was inevitable. (Jack wanted to save them all). They all needed to grow, and deserved the chance to reach their potential. (Maybe Jack most of all).

Tosh blossomed slowly, coming to enjoy the opportunity to make up for her past trespasses by using her knowledge to do something important. For Owen, it took becoming the walking dead to finally start making peace with his past and moving beyond into new growth. Ianto came out of his shell more and more, showing glimpses of the potential that lay inside the unassuming exterior.

They all lived and died as disposable heroes. (Except for Jack). Invisible and unknown to the world they saved. Wasted chances and potential unrealized. (And Jack was broken even more). Someone else filled their places in the scheme of things and life went on. Yet somewhere, somehow, someone remembers.

Always.

**the end**


	2. Heroic Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: No matter how far he travels, Jack can't outrun the feeling of failure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Amnesty 16, using Challenge #6 'Heroic Failures,' at [](https://drabble-zone.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](https://drabble-zone.dreamwidth.org/)**drabble_zone**  
Characters/Pairing: Jack, The Doctor  
Rating: G  
Words: 200  
Warnings: Angst, character death mentioned  
Spoilers: Torchwood up through series 3  
Notes: I loved the title of this challenge so much, I had to use it as the title of my fic. Jack is always a hero, but feels like he's failed at protecting the ones he loved.

**Heroic Failure**

“Well Jack, it's not often we get the chance to talk,” the Doctor broke the silence.

Jack snorted. “We're usually running.”

They were currently trapped in a cell. Jack had the feeling the Doctor had a plan but was yet to share it.

“Is there anything you want to... talk about?”

Jack gave him an incredulous look.

“Let's be honest, you've been moping about ever since you joined me again.”

Jack's face hardened. “Right, not like I have any _reason_.” It hadn't been that long since he'd lost... everything. He was hoping that traveling with the Doctor would help.

“I know,” the Doctor told him. “We lose them all. But think of how richer their lives were.”

“Richer?!” Jack choked out. “I got them killed!”

“Did you ever wonder what their fate was before you came along? You changed their original future by being there.”

“What does it matter?”

“Tosh died in prison. Owen was killed driving drunk. Ianto committed suicide after his girlfriend died.”

“No...” Jack moaned.

“You _saved_ them, Jack. I know it hurts now, but if they were here they'd thank you.”

_My daughter wouldn't thank me,_ Jack thought, but didn't say aloud.

It wasn't enough.


	3. Second Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ianto wonders if he's second choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt, "Settle," at [](https://ficlets.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](https://ficlets.dreamwidth.org/)**ficlets**  
Character: Ianto  
Rating: G  
Words: 100

**Second Choice**

Ianto wonders, as he watches Jack with Gwen. Wonders if he's settling. If he's taking what he has because he can't have what he really wants. Ianto has to shove these feelings down deep inside. If Jack knew he would be angry, accuse him of petty jealousy. His 51st-century sensibilities would be offended by such primitive 21st-century emotions. For someone who's lived on Earth as long as Jack has, he can be surprisingly clueless about the feelings of the humans here. It doesn't matter whether you are the 'jealous' type or not.

No one likes being second choice.


	4. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack can't help himself, even when he knows how things will end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt, “Fools Rush In,” at [](https://drabblesoup.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](https://drabblesoup.dreamwidth.org/)**drabblesoup**  
Characters: Jack  
Rating: G  
Words: 100  
Notes: Angst. Inspired by the Elvis song, "Can't Help Falling in Love."

**Falling**

An old sad song was playing and unfortunately, the voices in the pub weren't loud enough to drown it out. Jack signaled the bartender to bring him another drink. The pain persisted, no matter how much alcohol he consumed. He'd even gotten alcohol poisoning once, and wasn't that a blast from the past.

Elvis was right, only fools rush in. Jack had known better than to fall for Ianto, but he couldn't help himself. The only thing 'meant to be' was that Ianto would leave him too soon. Now he was paying the price, as usual. He was alone, again.

**Fin**

10/18/19


	5. End of the Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What does Ianto think about when he watches Jack sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt: The Beginning, at: [](https://slashficlets.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**slashficlets**](https://slashficlets.dreamwidth.org/)  
Rating: G  
Words: 288  
Characters: Ianto (Jack/Ianto)  
Notes: Angst. Post Exit Wounds

**END OF THE BEGINNING**

Ianto often spent insomniac nights watching Jack sleep and letting his wayward thoughts wander. He would be a psychiatrist’s wet dream, with the strange and sometimes disturbing things that crossed his mind in the midnight hours.  
  
_The end is where we start from_, Jack had said. Would that make it the beginning of something else? If so, what?  
  
He studied the man sprawled out in bed next to him. The handsome features of his lover were currently smooth without the traces of tension and guardedness he wore during daylight hours. Ianto secretly loved seeing him like this. It was a rare and treasured opportunity. Especially now, since Tosh and Owen had died.  
  
Sometimes it felt like they were getting closer to proper relationship. They were practically living together now, although neither one of them would ever speak of it out loud. It was... good. Yet it was the other times that threw him for a loop, when it felt like they were further apart than ever. When Jack would roll his eyes at something important to Ianto, or complain about Earth’s ‘quaint’ little concepts like fidelity. It made his head spin in confusion, and he found himself falling back on the insecurities that used to mark their early days. He hated going backward and struggling with doubt and uncertainty, but just when he was about to drown in it, Jack would do or say something uncharacteristically romantic, dare he think it, ‘coupley,’ and he would be thrown right back into hope again.  
  
Hope was a dangerous thing. Rather than pride, Ianto thought it was hope that came before a fall. He’d had a lot of experience with that.  
  
Maybe it was actually the beginning of the end.  
  


**The end**

02/01/20


	6. Until They Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even at the end, Ianto considers himself lucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt, "Until They Fade," at [](https://sesquidrabbles.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**sesquidrabbles**](https://sesquidrabbles.dreamwidth.org/)  
Rating: PG  
Characters: Ianto (Janto mentioned)  
Words: 150

**Until they Fade**

Humans yearn for a little slice of immortality, never being forgotten to the cruel whims of time. Some get to go down in history. I've helped save the world, yet Torchwood's secret nature ensures no one will ever know. Others look to their children for their legacy. That was not meant to be either. Perhaps in some far off decade, someone will be tracing Rhiannon's family tree and come across a small mention of her brother Ianto, who died young. That might be the closest I could come to leaving my mark...  
  
If not for my immortal lover, who will watch centuries pass. Eventually, time will fade my face and details from his mind, but I think I've left my mark on his heart, and if I have, there will be someone who remembers me, who _knew_ me, for quite a long time yet.  
  
That's more than most people have.

**The end**

9/12/20


	7. Regrets and Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter what, Jack always forgives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt, "Murder," at [](https://drabble-zone.dreamwidth.org/profile)[**drabble_zone**](https://drabble-zone.dreamwidth.org/)  
Words: 200  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, OMC  
Warnings: Future-fic, Canon character death mentioned (past), but not canon-compliant. Pretty dark, read at your own risk.

**Regrets and Forgiveness**

  
Jack Harkness staggered backward, hands clutching his chest. He looked down at the blood seeping between his fingers, then up at his murderer.  
  
"It really hurts," he began, trying for his usual irreverence, yet aware the non-physical pain shone on his face. "That you could do this to _me_."  
  
"You'll survive, won't you?" the younger man snapped, gesturing with his gun at the wound he'd inflicted. "You always do. Tell me, does it hurt as much as you hurt Tad?"  
  
"I loved your Tad!" Jack growled vehemently. "More than you'll ever realize."  
  
"Oh, sure. That's why you couldn't wait to run as far from Earth as you could before the body was even cold!" his son spat.  
  
"What did I have to stay for?!" Jack countered. "You hated me, the love of my life was gone. There was nothing left for me here."  
  
"And now that I've done what I came for, there's nothing left for me, here." Harper Harkness-Jones tossed the gun at his father's feet, turning to leave.  
  
"Someday," Jack began in a weakening voice as he slumped to the ground. "You'll regret this."  
  
Harper kept walking, a shrug the only indication he'd heard.  
  
"And I'll forgive you."  
  
**end**  
9/27/20


End file.
